Dealing with Conflict (Part Four)

Improving communication

 Like anything, interpersonal communication can be improved through practice. Use the following tips to improve your interpersonal communication skills.

 

1. Use feedback

Two-way communication allows both sender and receiver to search for verbal

and non-verbal cues (eyes, body movement etc) in order to establish

understanding.

 

2. Use face to face communication

Accurate feedback is nearly always achieved more efficiently through face to face communication rather than over the telephone or through written means.

 

3. Be sensitive to the receiver’s situation

Individuals differ in their values, needs, attitudes and expectations.

Empathising with those differences will improve our understanding of others and make it easier to communicate with them. 

4. Use direct simple language

The more accurately that words and phrases are tailored to the receiver’s situation, the more effective the communication will be.

 

Communication openers How often would you use these phrases?

1. May I ask a question?

2. Before we make a decision, let’s review the options

3. I suggest we do not eliminate any options at this point

4. Can we stop for a second and look at the way we’re approaching the problem?

5. I’d like to go back a step and clear up something I don’t quite understand

6. I hope we don’t have a case of group think here

7. I’ve been hearing about (x) recently. Do we have any information on it?

8. I don’t know much about that. How about you?

9. Were you aware that …..?

10. Maybe we should reconsider your approach

11. This idea might sound a little strange, so let me explain the whole thing first

12. I have an idea I’d like to share sometime

13. Would you tell me more about what you just said

14. Let me ask for some ideas on how I can go ahead with this

15. Here’s a half-baked idea. I don’t know how it will strike you but I’ll share it with you

16. What other ways can we think of?

17. If we followed your idea through, what difference would it make?

18. I hadn’t thought of tackling it that way. I’d like to know more about it

19. What strengths in what we are doing does your idea tap into? 20. What sorts of options might our competitors be thinking about?

 

Possessing good interpersonal communication skills is one of the great strengths of an effective official

Listening

Active listening is more than just hearing.

 

Attending

Builds closeness and trust

Sends signals without words

Consists of the following behaviours:

S face the other person squarely

O adopt an open posture

L lean slightly toward the other person

D at a distance apart of about 1 metre

E keep good eye contact

R try to be relaxed

 

Understanding No word(s) mean exactly the same thing to any two individuals.

Paraphrase

eg This is what I understand you are saying …

or I think you mean …

Note: responses should take account of their feelings i.e. don’t just repeat their words like a parrot. Beware not to send your own message

 

Five good listening tips

 

1. Listen attentively

All gestures and facial expressions should show acceptance and attention.

2. Listen reflectively

Repeat what was said. The official, by restating in ordinary speech what the competitor said, is able to check that the content of the communication was understood. It also enables the official to check the feeling of the competitor’s message was correctly interpreted.

3. Avoid emotional responses

Have you ever noticed how listening stops when an exchange gets heated?

4. Try bridging

A nod of the head, a throaty noise without words or an occasional “yes” helps the listener to know you’re tuned in.

5. Don’t interrupt

Don’t interrupt means don’t interrupt! 

Dealing with Conflict (Part Three)

Barriers to effective communication

1. Criticising

2. Name-calling Judging

3. Diagnosing

Sender Message Receiver

Sender

Feedback

Message

Receiver

Message 

4. Praising objectively

5. Ordering

6. Threatening

7. Moralising Sending solutions

8. Excessive/inappropriate questioning

9. Advising

10. Diverting

11. Logical argument Avoiding other concerns

12. Reassuring

 

More barriers to effective communication

Our personal ‘cages - People have different perceptions of words and actions

Filtering information - Hearing only what you want to hear

Emotions blurring the message - Responding to body language

No common language being spoken

- Use of jargon

Conflicting verbal and non-verbal messages

- Ingnoring information that conflicts with what we know

Comparing this person to others - Evaluating the source of the information

Reading the other person’s mind - Looking for personal agenda

Rehearsing what you are going to say

- Not responding to questions

Judging - Determining your response before reviewing evidence

Identifying with the other person’s problems

- Demonstrating some bias

Rescuing - Asking leading questions

Sparring - Asking antagonising questions

Being right - Not being open to other views

 

Blocking phrases – road blocks to communication

1. Ordering, directing, commanding

- You take this

- You get me the ball

2. Warning, threatening

- If you do that one more time I’ll send you off

- Okay, now you’ve had it

3. Preaching, moralising

- Some people never seem to know when to stop

- I wish somebody would teach you a bit more respect

4. Advising

- Why don’t you try and play the game?

- How about getting your players on side?

5. Judging, criticising, blaming 

- I would have though you would have known better

6. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming 

- You clumsy idiot

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself

7. Interpreting, psychoanalysing, assuming

- How come you’re so penalty prone?

- You were just trying to get back at me for what I did last game 

8. Teaching, instructing 

- How would you like it if someone did that to you?

- I wonder if you know how much that annoys me

9. Rescuing, intervening 

- I guess I’ll have to stop you doing that

- You’ll look ridiculous to everyone if you make that error again

10. Expecting too much 

- It’s so obvious that you should read your rule book

- Other players remember to plan things before they do them

 

More blocking phrases Which of these phrases would you commonly use and how often would you use them?

1. No

2. Can’t (with a shake of the head and an air of finality)

3. That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard

4. Yeah, but if you did that – (poses extreme or unlikely result)

5. Our business is different. You can’t do that here

6. Our system isn’t set up to do it that way

7. We tried that years ago

8. Look, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks

9. That’s not in our area

10. We’ve done all right so far, why do we need to do this now?

11. I don’t see anything wrong with the way we are doing it now

12. That doesn’t sound too practical. Or That sounds too theoretical

13. We’ve never done anything like that before

14. You’re talking about changing the whole way we do things! 15. Let’s not get off on a tangent

16. Let’s get back to reality

17. We’ve got a deadline to meet, we don’t have time to fool around

18. It’s too expensive to do it that way

19. It’s not in the budget

20. They will never buy it

21. Let’s take that up some other time

22. Are you kidding?

23. Let’s set up a committee to look at it. Or We’ll deal with it next meeting

24. We’ll be a joke if we follow this path

25. I’ve got the whistle

26. I’m the boss

Dealing with Conflict (Part Two)

Strategies for dealing with difficult situations

Situation

Strategy / Action

Know-all’s Acknowledge, but seek other opinions

- Use as a resource if they are part of a team

- Use them to assist you in game management

Get the official: Take the professional path and continue to treat the person with courtesy. Don’t react or make a big deal out of it. If the situation continues and is disrupting the group, then go straight to the competitor and ask: “What’s the problem?”

- Remember that by confronting an individual, you may isolate them from other members of the team. So try and involve one other person such as the captain.

Talkative competitors: Don’t panic. One or two competitors can add to the dynamic of the competition.

- Use their peers to help quieten talkative persons.

- If this doesn’t work you may have to cut in and talk directly to the offender.

Off the point or long answers: Short cut the discussion by focusing on the decision.

- Seek an indication that the competitor will try to prevent the situation arising again.

Wrong answers

- When applying the rules, some decisions are black and white. When clarifying such rules, try not to embarrass the competitor.

Three steps for handling conflict

- Eliminate the source of the problem

- Change the perception of the problem

- Use your personality, skills, knowledge, human understanding – i.e. your coping resources

- Flexibility

- Communication

- Closeness – but not familiarity

- Problem solving

Key personal attributes for managing conflict

Communication skills To become effective communicators, officials need to be skilled in the following areas:

Written communication

Verbal communication

Active listening/talking

Self-awareness/reflection

Awareness of the barriers to effective listening strategies and techniques to improve communication. The communication process

Process of contact

Communication, instruction

The official

Message/medium

The competitor

Intended meaning

Selection, value,

Appropriateness to learner

Interpreted meaning

Decoding, previous experiences,

transfer into action

Practice

Progress

Results

Capabilities, attitudes,

Knowledge, experience, will

Capabilities, attitudes,

Knowledge, experience,

Will

Oral, visual, manual or combined Competition factors

Terrain, sun, wind, rain, cold, noise etc

Starting level of ability

Dealing with Conflict (Part One)

Is the Player always right?

The customer is not always right – but the customer does come first. A friend of mine, Phil Cox standing in the middle of Football Park on 6th July 1996, said the following:

“Never let your emotions overrule your judgment when the emotions of the players are at a peak.”

That is, the players and the game come first, but they are not always right.

So how do we develop the skills and attributes to handle the wide varieties of conflict that occur between personalities on the field?

What is conflict?

Definition: The fight, collision, struggle or contest between the player or competitor and the official.

Explanation: Opposition of opinions or purposes and can cause mental strife.

What is it? Actual or perceived

To answer the question of conflict we need to understand the strategies that can equip you and help you better resolve conflict on and off the field.

Strategies for dealing with conflict

1. Avoid the conflict: It is impossible to avoid dealing with conflict. We need to adopt PREVENTION strategies to help reduce the amount and type of conflict you face during a competition.

2. Smooth over the situation: By employing the correct conflict resolution strategy – each situation has a different solution to the particular situation – often you can smooth over the conflict.

3. One or both parties compromise: Resolution strategies should provide common ground to negotiate compromise.

4. Confrontation: Be firm, not aggressive or arrogant in heated situation. Use the laws and playing conditions to assist, not in a confrontational manner.

5. Address the problem not the emotions: Addressing emotions only inflame situations and increases the level of conflict.

6. Focus on the person: Treat others as you in their situation would want to be treated.

- Don’t treat them as objects

- Don’t be officious

- Show empathy for them

- Know a little about them personally

Start a dialogue with the competitors Essential to ensure game has structure and guidance, and clear lines of communication and dialogue. That is, acknowledge cricketers abilities, experiences, emotions etc.

 

If it starts to get a bit hot

- Don’t over react

- Don’t try to bluff your way out of unjustified rulings

- If possible adopt a low key posture

- Be factual and honest

- Maintain composure under pressure

- Work together with your colleague

Involve the group

- Seek assistance from the captain

- Seek support from umpiring colleagues

- Get captain to accept responsibility for offending player

Consensus: A decision that players are comfortable with and will reasonably accept and support.

Remember 50% of conflict occurs not with the decision but what was said and the tone in which it was said. Conflict resolution strategies.

Isolate facts from emotions: It has been said ‘sport is simply life with the volume turned up’. Statements like this help to demonstrate just how emotional sport can become. It is easy for the official to get caught up by the emotion, but they must try to remove as much emotion from the decision-making process as possible. Only by demonstrating that your decisions are based on the facts and the evidence available, can the official be recognised by the competitor as having made a fair and accurate decision.

Task versus relationship: An official’s support for a particular team or individual can never impact on the final decision. Officials are human just like spectators, coaches and players and will support a particular team or individual. Decisions must be made according to due process and the laws of natural justice, while all personal relationships and feelings are set to one side.

Listen more: The officials who listen to both the competitor’s verbal and non-verbal messages tend to gather more evidence by which to make accurate and fair decisions.

Try to empathize with the person: Officials who show empathy for competitors’ concerns usually receive reciprocal understanding by the competitors of the official’s role in applying the rules. The reverse applies to the official who is not prepared to show empathy for competitor’s concerns, with competitors showing little respect for the decisions the official makes.

Don’t be defensive or try to justify your actions: Clarifying decisions made during a competition should be a simple process when the decision is based on the facts and evidence presented. It is only when an official makes a difficult decision with no facts or evidence to back up the decision that officials will find it difficult to provide clarification.