Monday 10 December 2018

Dealing with Conflict (Part Three)

Barriers to effective communication
1. Criticising
2. Name-calling Judging
3. Diagnosing
Sender Message Receiver
4. Praising objectively
5. Ordering
6. Threatening
7. Moralising Sending solutions
8. Excessive/inappropriate questioning
9. Advising
10. Diverting
11. Logical argument Avoiding other concerns
12. Reassuring
More barriers to effective communication
Our personal ‘cages - People have different perceptions of words and actions
Filtering information - Hearing only what you want to hear
Emotions blurring the message - Responding to body language
No common language being spoken
- Use of jargon
Conflicting verbal and non-verbal messages
- Ingnoring information that conflicts with what we know
Comparing this person to others - Evaluating the source of the information
Reading the other person’s mind - Looking for personal agenda
Rehearsing what you are going to say
- Not responding to questions
Judging - Determining your response before reviewing evidence
Identifying with the other person’s problems
- Demonstrating some bias
Rescuing - Asking leading questions
Sparring - Asking antagonising questions
Being right - Not being open to other views
Blocking phrases – road blocks to communication
1. Ordering, directing, commanding
- You take this
- You get me the ball
2. Warning, threatening
- If you do that one more time I’ll send you off
- Okay, now you’ve had it
3. Preaching, moralising
- Some people never seem to know when to stop
- I wish somebody would teach you a bit more respect
4. Advising
- Why don’t you try and play the game?
- How about getting your players on side?
5. Judging, criticising, blaming 
- I would have though you would have known better
6. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming 
- You clumsy idiot
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself
7. Interpreting, psychoanalysing, assuming
- How come you’re so penalty prone?
- You were just trying to get back at me for what I did last game 
8. Teaching, instructing 
- How would you like it if someone did that to you?
- I wonder if you know how much that annoys me
9. Rescuing, intervening 
- I guess I’ll have to stop you doing that
- You’ll look ridiculous to everyone if you make that error again
10. Expecting too much 
- It’s so obvious that you should read your rule book
- Other players remember to plan things before they do them
More blocking phrases Which of these phrases would you commonly use and how often would you use them?
1. No
2. Can’t (with a shake of the head and an air of finality)
3. That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard
4. Yeah, but if you did that – (poses extreme or unlikely result)
5. Our business is different. You can’t do that here
6. Our system isn’t set up to do it that way
7. We tried that years ago
8. Look, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks
9. That’s not in our area
10. We’ve done all right so far, why do we need to do this now?
11. I don’t see anything wrong with the way we are doing it now
12. That doesn’t sound too practical. Or That sounds too theoretical
13. We’ve never done anything like that before
14. You’re talking about changing the whole way we do things! 15. Let’s not get off on a tangent
16. Let’s get back to reality
17. We’ve got a deadline to meet, we don’t have time to fool around
18. It’s too expensive to do it that way
19. It’s not in the budget
20. They will never buy it
21. Let’s take that up some other time
22. Are you kidding?
23. Let’s set up a committee to look at it. Or We’ll deal with it next meeting
24. We’ll be a joke if we follow this path
25. I’ve got the whistle
26. I’m the boss


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